This is the sixth time I served as LIFEgame volunteer. It turned out to be the most stressful and as a result, the most impactful.

On Monday before the LIFEgame weekend, I suddenly started to experience hearing loss with my right ear. That night I flew from Seattle to San Jose. The ear ringing continued long after I arrived around 11 pm, and I felt like somebody left a hair dryer on, in a low-speed mode, with the white noise constantly humming around my right ear. It was Wednesday when I began to take seriously the symptom, because I really could not hear anything when I tried to answer my cell phone or listen to radio with only my right ear. My wife and daughter were in Orlando for Spring Break that week, and I didn’t tell them right away. I decided to see a doctor. Palo Alto Medical Foundation had no doctor available when I called to schedule an urgent appointment. But a Physician Assistant was available, so I went. The PAMF visit resulted in diagnosis of Eustachian Tube Dysfunction. Although I took the meds of decongestant and some nasal spray with steroid, deep down I knew that was not the real cause. Thursday came along, and I was absolutely certain that what I was suffering was sudden and total hearing loss. In spite of what was going on with my right ear, on Wednesday and Thursday evening, I participated in the training for LIFEgame volunteers as planned. I only told Lin about it, because I was supposed to help her and Justin during the preparation for the camp, and I didn’t want it to be awkward.

Now, looking back on all the occasions I served as LIFEgame volunteer, I realized that every time I faced challenge. Just like this time, I was under a lot of pressure at work. Even though I tried to plan ahead, there was always some last-minute task I needed to wrap up. The earlier I managed to finish what I had to do, the more tired I felt both physically and mentally. This is how people live in a state of slavery from day to day in Bay Area, everyone under tremendous stress, which does not please our Lord. For this time, through the entire month of March, I spent almost every week flying from one place to another, for work, for family, and to serve as volunteer in LIFEgame in Toronto. I was managing a delicate balance between work, family and volunteering, and putting out fires that came out of unexpected places. God created our physical being, with sophisticated design in every part of our body, and we all are the labor of His love. Our body is the holy temple endowed to us, and it needs our careful maintenance. We have only one body and one holy temple. We would not be able to accomplish what God commands us to do without a healthy body. If you feel that nothing seems to stop you from all your endeavors, and Herculean effort is the hallmark of your character, my advice is to come back to God, to reflect whether that is really what pleases God.

Rebecca is a sister from Los Angeles who serves in LIFEgame. A graduate trained in Chinese Medicine, Rebecca is studying in the same Seminary as Selene, who is a regular LIFEgame volunteer with her husband for the last two years. Rebecca later told me that about six months ago, she suffered a sudden hearing loss, which she called 突聋, or also 暴聋, according to Chinese Medicine terminology. When she heard about my hearing problem, it was already the fourth day since it started, and she was concerned that I might miss (or have missed?) the best time for treatment. She urged me to seek treatment immediately. Selene’s husband, Haoyang, also gave me the contact of a local acupuncturist who treated Selene before. I was surprised with all the helpful information, but I also felt very much overwhelmed. I gave thanks to the Lord for dear sister Rebecca, whose empowering act with loving heart I would describe in more details below. The level of fear in my gut suddenly rose, without any room for doubt, and without any hope of impunity. The next day is Friday, when I needed to drive to Santa Cruz and serve as part of the core team to train LIFEgame volunteers and prepare for the first night of LIFEgame 2019. I was thinking to myself how I could possibly manage the intensive workload if I went as planned. That night, my wife and daughter flew home from Orlando. Because I was helping with training at the church, they took an Uber ride home from the airport by themselves. Before their flight, I told them about my hearing problem, and they started praying for me non-stop.

First thing on Friday, my wife and I prayed. Then I went to see a good friend of mine, brother Frank, who is an expert in Chinese Medicine. He started my treatment right away with acupuncture. I put my trust in his hands, and for his deep expertise I gave thanks to the Lord. In addition, he talked to me about inner peace and faith in God, and how my inner strength would help with the treatment. He told me to take it easy, relax more and try to live normally through the next few days. After that conversation, I realized that as a Christian, the way I lived my life was not any different from that of a non-believer. In truth, I struggled with work life balance, and tried with all my heart and all my strength to serve the Lord. However, I was constantly anxious, worrying about things in the same way as if I were a non-believer. And I didn’t take good care of my health, living in the same way as if I were a non-believer. From the perspective of a medical professional who has treated so many people broken physically or mentally, there was nothing Jesus-like about my state of health or state of mind. What I treasured, was not that important in the grand scheme of things; what I was about to lose, might be fleeting away beyond the point of no return. I thought that I was laboring to serve the Lord, but I missed the point, and simply, I was not a good disciple.

My wife stayed home with my daughter, both worrying a lot about me, though they supported me to serve as LIFEgame volunteer as planned. During the 3-day/2-night camp, I received prayers from my wife; one of the messages said, “Whenever we are weak, in our Lord we are the strongest, because there is only God we could rely on, and we must trust God with all our heart and our mind.” My faith in God and my willingness to obey was growing proportionally with my weakness and struggle. I tried to believe that God was in control of the helplessness and despair I was suffering, which must have been given in proportion of the burden I could shoulder, and in measure of the faith God has allotted to me up to that day. This was the sixth time I served as a LIFEgame volunteer, and I should know well the details of everything about the camp. But I totally let go myself and followed the Lord – I immersed myself in the experience of the camp with a fresh perspective like I never participated in the camp before. For the sake of the future participants, I would like to quote an excerpt of Rebecca’s testimony as follows, so that no concrete details are revealed:

Throughout the camp I could feel your struggle, but more importantly I could witness that God’s blessings were enough for us. Even though you didn’t talk much, I could tell this time you were disheartened and under a lot of stress. Still I could see that you were trying your best to do your part using the gift God has given you. I was very much moved by this during the entire camp … I had hearing problem before myself, so I could understand the discomfort of listening with only one ear. Throughout the camp, the sound effect was very loud, and at the same time, volunteers had to communicate using walkie-talkies, so anyone could imagine the challenge. God let me observe a loyal servant through your example of sacrificing oneself for the good of others.

Although I persevered from the beginning to the end of the camp, I felt disappointed in myself. From a layperson’s perspective, this time marked the lowest point in my serving experience. On the way home, stuck in traffic on Highway 17, I didn’t have, like before, the sense of the relief of a huge burden off my shoulder, nor the joy of just being freshly recharged. I could feel God’s presence when I prayed. But at the same time, I had a lot of questions. I wasn’t certain whether the Devil was desperately at work because he would attack with fury those who serve the Lord. I really wanted to figure out, my Lord, what lesson I was supposed to learn. I was dying to know whatever test this was, whether I failed.

After the camp was over, Reverend Hsu contacted me. He told me that Mrs. Hsu one day four years ago suddenly lost her hearing in her left ear. She went through treatment immediately and her hearing was restored ten days later. I was shocked to learn about this. Fired up by their ardent support, I opened up and shared my deep thoughts with them. At the same time, I actively sought treatment for my ear. Since the Tuesday after the camp, my hearing was well on its way to recover. I told Rebecca the news right away. Given the intensive plan of the camp, all the volunteers were running our tasks by a tight schedule down to the minutes. The only way for Rebecca to treat me with acupuncture was to cut her lunch time short, from 45 minutes to 15 minutes, and she refused to take any shortcuts. So, I made a promise to her, that if there is any progress regarding my condition, I would let her know. I believe that my recovery started from the first treatment she gave me on Saturday during the camp. After that, I could hear sound at extremely low level when I put the walkie-talkie on my right ear.

PTL! I feel the love of the Lord through the different angels God sends to encourage me at different occasions. God makes all the arrangements in advance without my knowledge. Sister Rebecca’s kindled spirit and selfless sacrifice, and brother Frank’s candor and honesty, are all confirming God’s blessings. Reverend Hsu and Mrs. Hsu have supported us persistently since the first time we held LIFEgame in Bay Area. Even now, they care about each of the coworkers and pray for us continuously from a distance. They gave the last personal donation before Reverend Hsu’s resignation from Lord’s Grace Christian Church to LIFEgame ministry. It was the largest amount of donation we ever received so far.

I am reaching almost the end of my testimony. I would like to share the key learnings for myself:

• It is really true that we pay a price serving the Lord. Otherwise, it is very easy for our service to become a mundane and mechanical routine. We need to be on alert when serving the Lord, so we don’t act in autopilot mode. We have to ask ourselves -- Is serving really serving if we don’t pay any price? Is a so-called Christian a true Christian if no sacrifice needs to be made?
• We are bound to have doubts. We may not be certain that we are living in the Lord all the time. It might be that we are under attack by the Devil. It might be caused by our own weakness. We must trust the divine attributes of God. We are fragile and volatile. Only God is not fragile. Only God is not volatile. That is why the Lord teaches us to pray, “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one.” (Matthew 6:13 NIV)
• When we are waiting for God, sometimes it feels we are put in a dire situation and have nowhere to go. But rest assured that when we are waiting for God, God is accomplishing His purpose in our lives.

Most of us have healthy ears. God gives us two ears to listen and communicate with one another, but more importantly, our ears let us listen to what God wants to tell us. God wants us to understand His purpose for us, so we know the things and people God wants us to care about. When I had only one functional ear, I needed to listen more carefully, because with one ear, it was difficult to triangulate. I had to work much harder to locate the source of the voice and determine who was talking. I learned to orient one ear to God’s divine direction and tune into God’s divine frequency. The most important takeaway from this experience is to keep the communication channel open so I could keep intimate relationship with God. I wish my right ear shall be healed by God’s mercy, and I shall never forget this.

A true Christian’s testimony is through his or her whole life, punctuated with continuous revelation and repentance. I wish to thank all the people who supported me and prayed for me. Allow me to end my testimony with Exodus 4:10-12 (NIV):

Exodus 4:10-12 - 10 Moses said to the Lord, "Pardon your servant, Lord. I have never been eloquent, neither in the past nor since you have spoken to your servant. I am slow of speech and tongue." 11 The Lord said to him, “Who gave human beings their mouths? Who makes them deaf or mute? Who gives them sight or makes them blind? Is it not I, the Lord? 12 Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say.”

Blessings,
Binwei Yang